Great column. I don't know if this is just New York, but one enemy of unstructured time, or time free for chores is too much homework! Even for little kids.
Yeah, this checks out in other towns, too. Of course there’s all kinds of different families, but for high-achieving and upper/middle-class families, the academic pressure can be intense.
I feel like having 2 working parents is the biggest barrier to this. Having the emotional energy and bandwidth to train the kiddos is hard- and we also have a cleaning lady come so we aren’t really modeling the behavior either (except for the panic clean every other week the day before the cleaning lady comes). When I was a kid we had to clean the house every Saturday morning so I hate that my kids aren’t getting that. 🤷🏻♀️
That is so tough Ashley, thank you for sharing. Time is short, and you can only accomplish so much. Look at your parenting priorities, and if kids doing chores doesn't fit in what's feasible, then don't worry about it. You don't have unlimited bandwidth! On the other hand, if chores are something that you really want the kids to do and something else on Saturday morning can give, then do it.
Fantastic post with many useful tips. Now that it's summer, and my family has more flexibility in our schedule, I will try to implement the 'family chore time' and then hopefully it will stick!
Also, at 15, I was breadstick person at Fazoli's too!
I guess this is why "adulting" classes are so popular now, because Gen Z didn't learn these life skills while living at home. I admit, though, it is a struggle. I have a boomerang Gen Z son (27) who knew how to clean a bathroom so it was spotless when he was a lifeguard as a teenager, but now struggles to do it at home since coming back to live with me!
We are so guilty of this. Forwarded to my wife! Our oldest is five so he pretty much can’t do anything like this effectively but we should make it part of the routine anyway. Sometimes the five year old clears the plate and I wanted to eat the rest of his food so I say to leave it lol. Love this idea of teaching them specific skills.
We're pretty bad about getting them to clear their plates. I do think that having several tasks that they're expected to do is a good idea, though it means that we'll have to stretch to build all the supports to make sure it happens.
In the instance of clearing plates, those supports might be a) message that "the table needs to be clear and clean so we can use it for activities," and b) we all need to help cleaning the table, and c) how can you be a helper with the table? and d) don't let the children leave the table until their part is done, if all messaging and reminding fails. Call this "soft power," the iron hand in the velvet glove. It's important that parents enforce their expectations consistently.
We are very inconsistent. Often (usually) we forget to ask, which means they certainly don’t do it unprompted. Then there’s putting away toys when it’s bedtime, and I don’t want to take several extra minutes to help them put away the MagnaTiles, let alone have them do it all themselves, which would take more time and require us to give notes like “You missed some over there” seven times. But that’s up to us to take the extra time or stop play sooner.
First, MagnaTiles are awesome. Secondly, it's true, getting the kids to pitch in just doesn't come naturally to us anymore. It takes a stretch, and some goal-setting and planning. But I think it's worth it. Let us know if you have any practices that are working for you.
PS. I'm submitting a book for publication in a couple weeks, in which I take a deep dive into all of this. So stay tuned!
Julian, sorry I missed this question a couple weeks ago. We've narrowed the book title down to three possibilities, and we're running them past publishers. We'll see what comes out the other end...
Great column. I don't know if this is just New York, but one enemy of unstructured time, or time free for chores is too much homework! Even for little kids.
Yeah, this checks out in other towns, too. Of course there’s all kinds of different families, but for high-achieving and upper/middle-class families, the academic pressure can be intense.
Appreciate that.
Today l'll be introducing my subscribers
to a huge,p.r.o.f.i.t.a.b.I.e l.n.v.e.s.t.m.e.n.t Chat my 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 👇🏻
Daysteph
This is one of the shortcomings of living in an economy that's produced so much abundance.
People become less industrious from generation to generation while slowly forgetting the lessons previous generations had passed down.
The Romans had the same complaint about their own abundance!
Appreciate that.
Today l'll be introducing my subscribers
to a huge,p.r.o.f.i.t.a.b.I.e l.n.v.e.s.t.m.e.n.t Chat my 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 👇🏻
Daysteph
I feel like having 2 working parents is the biggest barrier to this. Having the emotional energy and bandwidth to train the kiddos is hard- and we also have a cleaning lady come so we aren’t really modeling the behavior either (except for the panic clean every other week the day before the cleaning lady comes). When I was a kid we had to clean the house every Saturday morning so I hate that my kids aren’t getting that. 🤷🏻♀️
That is so tough Ashley, thank you for sharing. Time is short, and you can only accomplish so much. Look at your parenting priorities, and if kids doing chores doesn't fit in what's feasible, then don't worry about it. You don't have unlimited bandwidth! On the other hand, if chores are something that you really want the kids to do and something else on Saturday morning can give, then do it.
Appreciate that.
Today l'll be introducing my subscribers
to a huge,p.r.o.f.i.t.a.b.I.e l.n.v.e.s.t.m.e.n.t Chat my 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 👇🏻
Daysteph
Fantastic post with many useful tips. Now that it's summer, and my family has more flexibility in our schedule, I will try to implement the 'family chore time' and then hopefully it will stick!
Also, at 15, I was breadstick person at Fazoli's too!
Fazoli's at Chauncey Hill?
That's the one!
I guess this is why "adulting" classes are so popular now, because Gen Z didn't learn these life skills while living at home. I admit, though, it is a struggle. I have a boomerang Gen Z son (27) who knew how to clean a bathroom so it was spotless when he was a lifeguard as a teenager, but now struggles to do it at home since coming back to live with me!
My takeaway from this is that your 27-year-old had better clean that dang bathroom!
We are so guilty of this. Forwarded to my wife! Our oldest is five so he pretty much can’t do anything like this effectively but we should make it part of the routine anyway. Sometimes the five year old clears the plate and I wanted to eat the rest of his food so I say to leave it lol. Love this idea of teaching them specific skills.
We're pretty bad about getting them to clear their plates. I do think that having several tasks that they're expected to do is a good idea, though it means that we'll have to stretch to build all the supports to make sure it happens.
In the instance of clearing plates, those supports might be a) message that "the table needs to be clear and clean so we can use it for activities," and b) we all need to help cleaning the table, and c) how can you be a helper with the table? and d) don't let the children leave the table until their part is done, if all messaging and reminding fails. Call this "soft power," the iron hand in the velvet glove. It's important that parents enforce their expectations consistently.
We are very inconsistent. Often (usually) we forget to ask, which means they certainly don’t do it unprompted. Then there’s putting away toys when it’s bedtime, and I don’t want to take several extra minutes to help them put away the MagnaTiles, let alone have them do it all themselves, which would take more time and require us to give notes like “You missed some over there” seven times. But that’s up to us to take the extra time or stop play sooner.
First, MagnaTiles are awesome. Secondly, it's true, getting the kids to pitch in just doesn't come naturally to us anymore. It takes a stretch, and some goal-setting and planning. But I think it's worth it. Let us know if you have any practices that are working for you.
PS. I'm submitting a book for publication in a couple weeks, in which I take a deep dive into all of this. So stay tuned!
“Let us know if you have any practices that are working for you.” Lol. Or IJBOL, as the kids say.
Did you end up picking a book title?
Julian, sorry I missed this question a couple weeks ago. We've narrowed the book title down to three possibilities, and we're running them past publishers. We'll see what comes out the other end...